Ellen's wedding & Ellen's mom

<span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">Clip of the wedding embedded on the site.</span></span>

This cute and exciting "behind the scenes" look at Ellen and Portia's wedding was first aired on Ellen's show.

...And on a similar note, Ellen's Mom (author of two books, "Love, Ellen: A Mother/Daughter Journey" and "Just a Mom" and the Human Rights Campaign's first heterosexual spokesperson for the coming out project) has some serious but encouraging words for us:

As a mother, it is a wonderful gift to share in the love and joy of your child's wedding day. The excitement, anticipation and happiness are overwhelming. I once believed I would never have the opportunity to be a part of such a special day with my daughter, Ellen.

But as I'm sure you've already heard, Ellen married the love of her life, my daughter-in-law, Portia de Rossi nearly one month ago. They had a stunning, intimate ceremony with family and close friends. Complete with beautiful decorations, their favorite roses, candlelit table and incredible cake. It was a magical evening.

Just like every parent who wants what's best for their daughters and sons, I want Ellen and Portia to have all the happiness that comes with marriage, to care for each other, protect one another and be there for each other in times of greatest need.

Unfortunately, some people would like to take away my daughter's right to marry the one she loves. And that, quite simply, is wrong.

So, I've made a gift to Equality California's Wedding Registry in honor of Ellen and Portia to help defeat Proposition 8. This November's ballot initiative would hurt so many loving couples and their families by taking away the right to marry from same-sex couples. Please join me by supporting the NO on 8 campaign.

Make a donation today so all loving couples can marry.

Every parent should know that their daughters and sons have the choice to marry. And every mother should have the opportunity to be a part of their child's wedding day. With your help, we can make that happen. Donate now to fight Prop 8.

Sincerely,
Betty DeGeneres

P.S. Please remember to vote NO on Prop 8 on November 4 and ask your friends and family to do the same.

Obey Ellen's mom!

They're already trying to stop it

When the ruling overturning the same-sex marriage ban first was announced, I posted about it and was excited, but I don't think I got the full scope of what this meant.

Then Ellen announced she was getting married (congrats!) and I started to get more excited about the possibilities (I dunno what it was about Ellen...maybe just having a day for the news to sink in made it more exciting).

Then I started seeing ads for gay weddings (I knew it!) and I was picturing them happening at some of Napa's most fabulous locations (I want an invite if any of The Fruit's readers are considering).

Then I heard that already conservatives are trying to put a hold on the change until the election in November, where a constitutional amendment is being proposed to define marriage as only between one man and one woman.



Conservatives are frightened (I still think they only get worried because they start picturing the SEX instead of thinking of the relationship. Everyone knows that once you get married you rarely have sex anyways. They have nothing to worry about.) and claim that gay marriage will weaken--if not utterly destroy--straight marriages (and some even go so far as to say our entire society).

Long-term and loyal readers of The Valley's Other Fruit probably know that I started coming out to my closest friends and family about 3 years ago...and that it's a process that doesn't really stop. Now that this marriage thing is probably heading for a vote in November (opponents submitted 1.1 million signatures), I am thinking if I should hurry up and come out to people that I had been holding out on for whatever reason.

If I come out to my aunts and uncles and more conservative (could I even say stubbornly closed-minded without offending?) relatives and friends would it make a difference? Would they then, think of me lovingly and of how I showed them that not all gays are "like how they thought they were" and how if they vote yes then I would be stuck (legally) single? Or would it embolden them to "fear for my soul" even more or picture me having some hedonistic pleasure-fest of a wedding ceremony with groomsmen in leather chaps and large drag-queens as maids of honor and then vote to support the constitutional change (and save our family from such a scary--sounds fun to me--nuptial disaster)? It's a risk...is it worth taking it?

Would coming out to people that we are close to help them to support same-sex marriage?

Ellen on Leno, No on 8

<span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">Clip of Ellen on Leno embedded on the site.</span></span>

This chick is awesome! Among many other recent pushes, she appeared on Leno to tell Californians why to vote No on 8! Now, if the rest of Hollywood would support and support financially the No on 8 campaign...

Marriage Equality Action Alert! Call your state reps now

Action alert from Equality California:

Anti-equality groups are currently flooding the Capitol with threatening phone calls demanding members of the Senate and Assembly Judiciary committees oppose the two resolutions to overturn Prop 8 when they come up for a vote on Tuesday.

We cannot let their attacks and threats go unanswered! We need to make sure that legislators hear from those who support equality.

Please call key members of the Senate and Assembly Judiciary Committees who have supported LGBT equality in the past (sample script and phone numbers are below). Ask them to support the resolutions to overturn Prop 8 to protect all minorities from the risk of losing their rights at the ballot box.

If passed, the two EQCA-sponsored resolutions, SR 7 and HR 5, authored by two of our champions in the Legislature, Senator Mark Leno and Assemblymember Tom Ammiano, will put the California Legislature on record as supporting the invalidation of Prop 8, declaring it an illegal revision to the state constitution.

This is our fourth of five actions leading up to our giant lobby day to overturn Prop 8 on Tuesday, the day of the vote, when over 2,000 activists will come together at the Capitol to urge their lawmakers to support these critical resolutions. Take Action Today! Call Now!

_____

Sample Script

Thank you for past support for equality. My name is [Your Name] and I am calling to ask for you to vote in favor of SR 7 / HR 5 because Prop 8 is a drastic and radical revision to the California Constitution that puts all Californians at risk. I believe in equal protection under the law and do not want a simple majority of voters to be able to take fundamental rights away from any minority.

Thank you. [Your Name]
_____

If you live in Northern California, please call:

Senate Judiciary Committee members (for SR 7)

* Senator Ellen Corbett, chair: (916) 651-4010
* Senator Dean Florez: (916) 651-4016

Assembly Judiciary Committee members (for HR 5)

* Assembly Member Noreen Evans: (916) 319-2007

If you like in the Central Valley, please call:

Senate Judiciary Committee members (for SR 7)

* Senator Ellen Corbett, chair: (916) 651-4010
* Senator Dean Florez: (916) 651-4016

Assembly Judiciary Committee members (for HR 5)

* Assembly Member Dave Jones: (916) 319-2009
* Assembly Member William W. Monning: (916) 319-2027

If you live in Southern California, please call:

Assembly Judiciary Committee members (for HR 5)

* Assembly Member Mike Feuer, chair: (916) 319-2042
* Assembly Member Julia Brownley: (916) 319-2041
* Assembly Member Paul Krekorian: (916) 319-2043
* Assembly Member Ted W. Lieu: (916) 319-2053

I'm 22, I like to BBQ & I have lesbian parents

<span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">Cute No on 8 video from ProudParenting worth clicking through on the site to watch.</span></span>

Also, word from Ellen on 8:

"You know how usually I talk about cell phones or kitty cats or cheese pizza… well, this is sorta like that… without the cell phones, the cats, or the pizza.

"There’s a California Proposition on the ballot that’s a little confusing. It’s Proposition 8. It’s called, “The California Marriage Protection Act” -- but don’t let the name fool you. It’s not protecting anyone’s marriage. Not yours. Not mine.

"The wording of Prop 8 is tricky. It’s like if someone asked you, “You don’t want dessert, right?” But you do want dessert so you say, “Yes,” which really means you don’t want dessert. And if you say, “No,” which means you do want dessert -- it sounds like you don’t. Either way, you don’t get what you want. See -- confusing. Just like Prop. 8.

"So, in case I haven’t made myself clear, I’m FOR gay marriage. And in order to protect that right -- please VOTE NO on Proposition 8. And now that you’re informed, spread the word. I’m begging you. I can’t return the wedding gifts -- I love my new toaster."

From her blog. Did you know she was recently voted more popular than Oprah? Go Ellen!

PS - I still haven't seen any YES on 8 signs around. Glad (and still hoping) that the million signs to "protect" straight marriage thing didn't happen. You seen any for or against?

Fortunate Families, Casey Lopata in Berkeley tonight: LGBT Catholics special meeting, Mon, June 29

When I was first coming out to myself and then to close friends and family four years ago, I devoured books and information to help me start learning new ways to be true to my whole self. One of those books that was really important to me--and to me being able to come out to my mom/family--was called Fortunate Famlies, by Mary Ellen and Casey Lopata. Both devout Catholics when the oldest of their six sons came out to them, they wrote the book as a response of how to be true to being Catholic and true to their love for their gay son, and they share the experience of hundreds of Catholic families in similar situations:

Fortunate Families addresses the experience of Catholic parents who love their gay sons and lesbian daughters. The book had its genesis in a descriptive survey of over 200 such parents. It integrates results from the survey, church documents and stories so readers can access what they need most. Some readers will search for accurate information about Catholic teaching; others may connect with the lived experience of other Catholic parents. Still others will find examples of ministerial advocacy and support within the Catholic Church...Grounded in Catholic tradition, Fortunate Families welcomes families of all faiths.

Tonight the two parents who wrote the book will be in Berkeley to present at a special meeting of LGBT Catholics at Newman Hall/Holy Spirit Parish. I'll be going.

LGBT Catholics: A Special Evening of Reflection for LGBT Catholics, their Families and Friends
Monday, Jun 29, 7pm to 9pm
Newman Hall, 2700 Dwight Way & College Avenue, Berkeley

Please join us for an evening of reflection for LGBT Catholics, their families and friends on Monday night June 29th, 7-9 p.m., in the lounge . The evening will be presented by Mary Ellen and Casey Lopata, who are the founders of Fortunate Families (www.fortunatefamilies.com).

Also, to note:

LGBT Catholics: Summer Break.
We will be on summer break and will resume in the Fall.

For more information on the group or to subscribe to the group's announcement list, contact Antonio Salas at LGBT_Newman @yahoo.com or (510) 663-6302. All are welcome.

Your (almost) weekly, gay-news, post-inauguration roundup

• Yup, the gays (and lesbian) band association actually was invited and actually marched--in a first--in the presidential inaugural parade. There's video proof! Watch for the drum major, he really gets into it.
  
  
• Maybe you only saw this if you were in the huge crowd at the inauguration, but Ellen was called upon, Tuesday, to warm up the crowd in a way that only Ellen can.
  
  
• Right at noon-o'clock on Tuesday, when Barack Hussein Obama was geting sworn in, Whitehouse.gov was updated and, in a show of change for the LGBT community, now includes a list of "Support for the LGBT community" on the Civil Rights page.
  
  
• A little less than a week ago, CA labor organizations--50 of them, to be counting--joined in the fight for marriage equality and signed on their support for same-sex marriage rights, explaining, "Our organizations stand for fairness and equality for working people—not only in the workplace but in all aspects of society."
  
  
• Obama has added more gays in line to be his senior advisors, and Queerty has the line-up. Although none might be on the short-list for succession to the presidency, he also recently has chosen Michael Smith, and openly gay man, to be Whitehouse Interior Designer.
  
  
• In a NYT op-ed column today, Mary Frances Berry, the chair of the Commission On Civil Rights from 1993-2004, calls for the "abolishing" of the commission she headed for 11 years and its replacement with one that will fully address LGBT rights.
  
  
• Milk grabbed five Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director and Best Screenplay, who cares that Benjamin Button got more?

Powerful like silent high-schoolers

Ellen's brief and moving commentary (it's worth taking time to watch) on the killing of 8th grader Lawrence King in Oxnard, CA got me thinking about the Day of Silence coming on April 25th. For those who don't know:

The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. This year’s event will be held in memory of Lawrence King, a California 8th-grader who was shot and killed Feb. 12 by a classmate because of his sexual orientation and gender expression. Hundreds of thousands of students will come together on April 25 to encourage schools and classmates to address the problem of anti-LGBT behavior.

Students participate in the day of silence by doing just that: being silent all day long. This brings attention to the numbers of students who are forced to be silent about their sexual orientation due to harassment, bullying, etc. at school every day. Instead of speaking they hand out brief notes that explain why they aren't talking and their concern for those that withhold a part of themselves every day.

It took me until I was 27 to be able to start coming out to my closest friends and family. Partly due to my conservative family and struggle of reconciling my faith with my sexual orientation, partly due to my fear of "ruining my reputation" in the community, partly due to Napa's intolerance (have you seen the comments in the Register online lately?) and partly due to no visible gay community or gay role models right here in my home town.

I wish that as "grown-ups" we had organized days to participate in powerful events like the day of silence. In the mean time, I've figured out that my coming and being out (even on a daily basis) helps some to see past and take away predefined stereotypes and helps other gays--youth and adults--to see at least one more person in their community as someone like them.

Thank God that now Vintage, Napa, St. Helena & Tech high schools have a GSA to promote common understanding and tolerance. But that's just our high schools...

(Use the comments section and tell us:) What are you doing to make Napa a more open and accepting place?

Click for more info on the Gay Straight Alliance or Ellen's list of support info.

What can marriage do for you (look what it did for Ellen)?

For those who don't go there often (or who just haven't noticed yet, getting their morning coffee or whatever), Ellen posted this fun note on her site:



she also (hinted at above, too that she) had a huge cover story in People magazine:



Thosands have already commented her on her site to wish her well, and the bloggers all over are talking about how this is great for the No on 8 campaign.

Better than organized Mormons or even a million signs in people's front lawns?

Prop 8: we're probably "not just going to get over it"; Thousands protest; Etheridge, Hollywood and others respond

As thousands marched in San Francisco and across the State on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and throughout the weekend, more voices joined the chorus of outrage, pain and rejection.

Have you heard of any protests or gatherings in Napa or the North Bay? Should we all gather downtown? In San Fran?

I don't often read C.W. Nevius in the Chronicle, but found his recent commentary on Prop 8 resonant:

Now that the election is over, there's a refrain coming from those who supported Proposition 8, the constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage:

Well, they say, we're glad that's over. Now we can move on and get back to everyday life. Hope there are no hard feelings.

It's a lovely sentiment and an optimistic thought. There is just one problem. It isn't happening. "There ARE hard feelings," said Lisa Geduldig, a San Francisco resident. "If I voted against your social group having equal rights, you'd be sore too. You might be lovely people, but you voted in favor of discrimination."

This isn't like a disagreement between two co-workers about who should be president or a debate about whether city funds should be set aside for affordable-housing projects. This is a deep, visceral divide between two cultures. And, with more protests scheduled this weekend in San Francisco and in the state, it seems the anger and resentment will only increase. [SFGate]

And this is what Melissa Etheridge had to say about Prop 8 passing:

"Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year.
What recession? We're gay!

Oh and too bad California, I know you were looking forward to the revenue from all of those extra marriages. I guess you will have to find some other way to get out of the budget trouble you are in.

When did it become okay to legislate morality? I try to envision someone reading that legislation "eliminates the right" and then clicking yes.
What goes through their mind? Was it the frightening commercial where the little girl comes home and says, "Hi mom, we learned about gays in class today" and then the mother gets that awful worried look and the scary music plays? Do they not know anyone who is gay? If they do, can they look them in the face and say "I believe you do not deserve the same rights as me"? Do they think that their children will never encounter a gay person? Do they think they will never have to explain the 20% of us who are gay and living and working side by side with all the citizens of California?

I got news for them, someday your child is going to come home and ask you what a gay person is. Gay people are born everyday. You will never legislate that away."

Video embedded from CBS5 showing thousands of people in the protest winding down Marktet Street through the Castro on Friday evening:

"It just feels unfair": Ellen tells McCain what's up

I'm not sure when this aired, but it sure seems like McCain is more than a little out of touch...and definitely avoiding the subject. Things like this just keep reminding me that it takes us--real people--coming out and having real conversations with people we love to swing voters. President of the United States is one very important election coming up, but in November it also will be very likely that we (in California) will be voting yes or no to change the state constitution to make marriage ONLY between a man and a women. Definitely gets my NO vote.

[thanks to PageOneQ for the info and the embeddable vid]

Twilight T-dance back for Pride, this time in Sonoma, Sat, June 5, 2010

Many of us gays and our friends/allies in the Napa Valley (and all around) had an unforgettable time at last year's Pride month's Twilight T-dance at Beringer. Tons of good people, tons of great wine, fun, music, dancing, food and did I mention the good people?

Well, it's back...just one county over. The folks mostly behind last year's event have brought it home to Sonoma County, to the beautiful town of Glen Ellen:

Out in the Vineyard, the first Wine Country events and travel company dedicated to the LGBT community, is behind this year's bash: “Twilight T-Dance: An Evening of Wine and Dancing in Celebration of Gay Pride Month", a portion of ticket sales will benefit Face to Face Sonoma County AIDS Network.

This year’s Twilight T-Dance is hosted at one of the premiere event locations in the heart of Sonoma Valley, Atwood Ranch & Vineyard.

Music by DJ Rotten Robbie

$50 Advance Purchase / $65 after May 25th

Includes wine tasting

$100 VIP reception Advance Purchase / $125 after May 25th
VIP reception at 4:30 pm with SKYY Vodka Bar

Includes wine tasting & access to VIP Lounge

Tickets are limited. Please purchase in advance. You must be 21 or over to attend.

On sale now at: http://www.outinthevineyard.com/events/twilight-t-dance/ and you can even RSVP on Facebook.

They've already received mention in the press! After last year's mega-successful "test run", this year's ticket prices have doubled...and of course they'd like us to know that VIP tickets are selling out fast (just like last year), so get them soon if you want all the goodies! What a fun way to kick off the month of Pride!

...for those that like to stay super-local, Napa's Guerilla Gay Bar has a big, fun, gay dance planned as well! Details soon, or sneak-peek here.