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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Does your family know you've rejected The Church's teachings?"



So, I knew stopping by Saturday's rally and protest wouldn't be "problem free", what with growing up here in town and having lots of my family, friends, old coworkers, classmates and fellow parishioners all over the Valley and City of Napa. Busy intersection, lots of visibility, hot topic, hometown: something was bound to happen. And it did.

Of course, I "survived", but managed to take it very personal in the process.

Someone I know from church--not a friend, mind you, but someone from the more conservative part of my Catholic Parish--saw me when I was making my "picket" rounds on the Jefferson sidewalk and waved hello to me, suspiciously. He was with the Yes on 8 crew. I, of course, was holding a No on 8 sign.

He casually asked me if I had left the Church. I responded no. He then asked me a follow up, "So you just reject the Church's teachings?" "No." I responded again, flatly, and taken back by his forwardness. By then a friend stepped in and pulled me back into the picket line and we walked away (my friend of course, chanting loudly and spitefully, "No on 8! No on 8!", just to make a point.).

Later, when we were taking a break from the picket loop, that judgmental man walked over to me again and mentioned how he was seriously concerned for my soul and my spiritual well being. I told him that I was fine and doing well with God. He then continued to accuse me of multiple things--of rejecting the Truth of the Church, of rejecting the Bishops' teachings, of needing to improve my morality, and worse: that he knows and cares about my family and what would they think if they knew I was out there? It came out like a threat. I was flabbergasted. Was he trying to say he was going to out me to my family as an attack?

I don't want to recount my full response here, but I was a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, fears and arguments. Since the beginnings of my acceptance of my gay self a little over 3 years ago, I knew that the most healing and holy thing for me to do was to find a way to love myself as a Catholic and love myself as a gay man. I grew up in and loved so much about the Catholic Church, and yet much of the rejection and judgment I felt in my fear of coming out in the first place was from that very same Church. In spite of the strong and innate spirituality that are at the heart of many of my queer brothers and sisters (I really do feel that a strong spiritual sense is a gift of homosexuality), many will probably not understand why I even want to maintain my Catholicity. In fact, many queer people--due to the rejection, judgment and isolation taught by the Church--say you can't be gay and Catholic. Many Catholics (or Christians) demand that you can't be truly Christian and gay. I think the truth is in neither of those statements and that I can be whomever I truly am--which, for me, is Catholic and gay.

However, all I could communicate in the moment of being in front of my accuser was that I believe most of all that God is about love and based on that, we should not write discrimination into our State's constitution. Still shellshocked, I listened respectfully to his further accusations and continually hoped he was listening to what I had to say. I knew if I flipped out it would not help him hear me any better. In the end, I am pretty sure he didn't want to hear me or know me at all.

Like I said, I was expecting something to happen, and it could have been worse. I went on Saturday to stand as a witness that my relationship with God and my identity as a gay man--my belief in God's love as greater than any restrictions that churches or humans place on it--can exist fully and gloriously intermingled. I went on Saturday for all those who are too complacent, too lazy or too afraid to stand up for themselves or their loved ones. I hope you will stand with me, because I can't do this alone.

Thank you to my friends and family who are with me daily.

6 comments:

  1. "Does Jesus know you've rejected your neighbor?"

    I'm with you man. These last few days have been a whirlwind of tempers and emotions. Don't lose hope though! When it comes right down to it, God made you, he knows you, and he's not going to abandon you.

    I don't know why people are afraid of one person's love for another, but I do think that hate becomes an enemy to the heart of the person who holds it, while love can only make a person stronger (even if it makes them feel more vulnerable). Keep fighting, I'm right there with you!

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  2. "Does Jesus know you've rejected your neighbor?"

    I'm with you man. These last few days have been a whirlwind of tempers and emotions. Don't lose hope though! When it comes right down to it, God made you, he knows you, and he's not going to abandon you.

    I don't know why people are afraid of one person's love for another, but I do think that hate becomes an enemy to the heart of the person who holds it, while love can only make a person stronger (even if it makes them feel more vulnerable). Keep fighting, I'm right there with you!

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  3. Your story just confirms what those of us that know you have come to learn - you are a man of faith, integrity and compassion. Thanks for being an example to us all.

    All I can say is "right back at ya bro!"

    Now, quit blushing and approve this comment!

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  4. Where and when? Lets pick a corner and protest together with friends and family. I am getting married this weekend *hehe* so I can't this weekend, but lets pick a few hours in a day and STAND up. Time is running out... where and when are "they" going to be stationed? We need more there to defend our side.

    Ps. you can pick up no on 8 signs in Davis. I just got a few today. Napa and surrounding areas are out... or were... hopefully more will come in soon.

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  5. How to battle Prop.8:

    I've read many an article about vandals and plain ol'fashioned bullies ganging up on Prop.8 supporters. That does NOT help. Fighting hate with hate leads only to more hate,and bad karma.

    1)A "No on 8" sign out on Browns Valley Road was ripped down,replaced with "Yes on 8",then "Yes on P." Some "No on 8" signs at the corner of Redwood and Solano were ripped. I've also seen that "Yes on 8" signs have been stolen from front lawns. Big tip here- DO NOT STEAL. If you don't like the sight of blindingly yellow "Yes on 8" signs,put up a bunch of "No on 8" signs of your own.

    2)Don't be bullies. Prop.8 supporters see themselves as martyrs. The man in the Prop.8 ad talks about being handcuffed&bound. Be nice. Kindness is the ultimate revenge.

    3)Share pamphlets of your own. As Yoda said,ignorance leads to fear,fear leads to hatred,hatred leads to the Dark Side of the Force. In the Bible,"traditional marriage" is often defined as polygamy (without any divine condemnation),and the same evangelical who will tell you that gay marriage leads to incest doesn't mind blithely saying that Cain married his sister.

    4)The Protect MarriageSD. website will soon be posting prayer requests. Post prayer requests for LGBT couples,friends,blessings on their nuptials. No insults. No anger.

    On STAR 101.3,I've heard the "No on 8" ads at least SIXTEEN times in the past four days. I've heard ZERO "Yes on 8" ads on the radio.

    Compassion is the best weapon.

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  6. Well said, my friend. Thank you for sharing this painful experience. I think we wish we could all shelter each other from having to go through this kind of thing, but so far it's not possible. Your courage and cool head were the best response -- not all of us are as fortunate in such situations.

    We are all God's creations, and God loves us all just as we were created. We all just have to hang in there and know that we're making slow but steady progress to where we need to be.

    Thanks again for sharing this story. I hope it will inspire and energize others to hang in there too.

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